IS AGE A PRIVILEGE?   

All through childhood we are taught to respect and revere age.  We are taught this at a very young age and at home.  We are taught through training and examples.  We, at home were taught to get up (if we were seated) if anybody older than us walked into the room.  Knees were never to be crossed , foot never to be pointed in their direction and disrespect never to be shown in any action, not even voices were supposed to be raised.  Men were not supposed to smoke and drink in the presence of elders.  These were values ingrained so hard and so deep that we were made to think that these were eternal values never changing, never even thought to change.  Until recently...

Children grow up to pass on these value systems to posterity.  And things go on without break.  What exactly do we teach our children?  In the sense, what do we really teach them to revere in age, their age in terms of numbers, their experience or their wisdom?  And what do we teach them to revere in experience and wisdom?  Knowledge is infinite and constantly fluctuating. What is true today in one circumstance can never be true for tomorrow.  Tomorrow is always different.  Relationships differ, equations differ, perspectives differ, human beings differ then why not eternal values, if there are eternal values at all.

Values which do not change, are values which burden us.  I am reminded of something that a teacher of mine taught his daughter 25 years ago. It took me a quarter of a century to learn from that incident.  A domestic incident turned nasty, the wife an unwitting victim to the tyranny of the mother in law.  The son indignant at the treatment meted out to his wife. A familiar story everywhere,  but the husband, already a father for quite a few years, told his daughter  “ if i behave in a similar fashion when i turn old, throw me out”. 

Old age need not be a privilege always.  Should not be. There is no excuse for being rude and badly behaved.  If elderly people behave in whatever fashion they deem fit and expect to be condoned for it, then truly it needs to be thought twice.  Relationships are delicate and needs to be nurtured.  It is not a law,  even a law is amended.  Nothing can be taken for granted, rather nothing ought to be taken for granted especially relationships.

Going through a troubled phase in trying to find the right balance in relationships took a toll of my health.  Until then i was unselfish,  giving what I could most importantly give, time and money.  There are roles that one has to play.  For  women it is never easy. She needs to balance a family and a career. She is a daughter, a wife, a mother, a sister and maybe many more.  And when she balances many roles, she cannot be chosen only for one role and the other ignored.  If that is so, then the entire essence of what she is , is lost.  Either way, she needs to be respected for what she is in entirety.  When that does not happen, her equilibrium is upset.  This is what I went through which prompted me to examine relationships all over again.

I have heard enough of parents left unattended and uncared for.  I have wondered why this happens.  I am surprised that one can walk away from people who love you and had cared for you all your life.  I had vowed never to belong to that group.  Today, things have changed.  My values have not altered.  What has altered are their values.  My son told me  about an advertisement that he remembered   “unconditional love or no relationship”.  I understand that the advertisement was for jockey.  I was struck by what he was saying because that is the basis for every meaningful relationship.  But relationships today are one sided,  either from the children or parents.  Children we can teach, but parents?  If we attempt to do it, there are great emotional upheavals creating big gaps in relationships.  We are expected to compensate for age, age is a privilege or should it be?

Children watch us compromise for not wanting to hurt their (parents) sentiments.  Balancing is never easy.  And children learn from these very experiences.  Their learning tools are defective; it does not teach them the right values.  They will pick up what is accessible easily and here the behaviour of the older generation triumphs because they get what they want.  And that the children want.  So there it is, values do not change and the viciousness is generated year after year.

I reiterate, values cannot be forever, they need to change.  There is no excuse for bad behaviour, age is not a privilege, it is a huge responsibility.